Women DriverZ

Im sick ;_; And the pirate thing is this weekend.... and everyone should feel sorry for me.

Also, I feel the need to share:

I was driving Steph to class this morn, and while going up a one way road this chick turns down into it and startZ comming at me head on... she, of course, didnt know this because she hadnt bothered to defog her window... I had to beep at her to get the idiot to stop and back up.

Then, while waiting at a light, I watched another gal CRASH into the back of a parked, giant, yellow, flashing... school bus....

The fire truck came and two women began directing traffic... (ugh). They motioned on this huge mac truck... and then walked out in front of it...

And then a bit down the way another fireman was directing traffic.. INTO each other... the sun was blinding him and he couldnt see what he was doing >_<

Im just glad I made it home unscathed o_O

Also... how does one crash into a parked school bus?

No, these arent real

This site has apparently been down since '02, but I insist that you all read through the archives. Especially us yankeeZ... seriously. So funny (and yet Im sure you will all learn a vaulable lesson about nationalism).

http://www.satirewire.com/news/feb02/warship.shtml

Read that for starters.

http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/geography.shtml

This is for all of us that cannot place Hungary on a map.

CUTE!

www.f**kinggoogleit.com

Go to google (www.google.com)

Type in the word "Failure" into the search boX.

Hit the button "I'm Feeling Lucky" right under the teXt boX.

Laugh.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Seductress?

Meh, just for fun... this basically sayZ that Im really hyper and dont give a flip :p DUH

***Your Seduction Style: Au Natural***


You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.


What Kind of Seducer Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofseducerareyouquiz/

Via la pr0n

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/19/AR2005091901570.html

Seriously... you have to read this.

The USA's top priority is no longer terrorism... it is pr0n!

-__- That's great.

Paper Vs. Humanity?

I dunno who wrote this or who to give the credit to... but I could NOT stop lauging:

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no f'n way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole.

Mwahahaha so so great.

Scooty Puff Jr

Ok, b4 I 4get.

Chi and I went to amtgard (http://amtgard.com:8080/) yesterday for the first time in about 6 months. Twas great to see everyone… and get molested by Jon… twice o_O.

We met up with a few buddies and then saw some other ppls we knew ^_^ Yay! Then we proceeded to go to Princeton and get some frozen cow juice inna cone… good stuff!.

Anyway, point of this… find where amtgard is played in your area and go watch o_O I'm so serious… you will never be so entertained.

Also… IM TWENTY THREE! ^_^ All bow b4 my might!

And if you draw…. I want penguinZ. ALL the penguins!

Evil Kitty

http://www.fabrica.it/flipbook/flipbook_player.php?id=1123913467-68113133226

that was SO much work for so little time!

Fun tho ^_^

http://www.fabrica.it/flipbook/index.html

make your own and lemme see them

GeeX With LiveZ

Ok, so as we all know Steve and Lando put out a podcast every monday (barring hurricaneZ). If you havent listened yet then I condem thee to a droll stupor... how are you gonna find out anything unless you listen!?

Anyway, this weeks show - which was put out a tad late due to unforseen windZ - was amaZing. Best one yet, in my ever so unhumble opinion. It was shorter than their previous showZ and more on the ball and up tempo in pace.

They covered a ton of info (from harry potter to bud light) and were pretty dang funny in the delivery. http://steveandlando.blogspot.com/

If you pride yourself in keeping up with techie newZ, then this is a great way to do it w/o having to spend precious chatting time surfing the net for obscure newZ releaseZ. Upload it to your ipod and enjoy while traveling... or sitting in a summer school class that you could care less about.

The guys have a forum you can post on about pretty much anything, and dont forget to vote for their podcast!

On a sort of off note, the Tallahassee Democrat did an article that included Steve and Lando's on the go web show... see, itZ that good.

A Duel

Ok, so I am part of a writers community and another member and I took part in a duel.

The parameters were as followZ:

I propose a write off for the phate of our planet.

Whoever wins gains the right to try his – or her as the case may be – hand at world domination.

Two pages (at least, but try to stay under five) of _why_ we want to conquer this world.

• What devices would you use (ie for me it would be penguins)
• What your main reasons are for believing that the world would operate better under your guidance
• Would you use threats and force or guise and subterfuge, etc.

These questions _must_ be met within paper, however, feel free to babble at will about other things.

And my submission was also as followZ:

Our world. It is plagued by disease, famine, war, and – most destructive of all – Stupidity.

No man could rein the universe more effectively than the blatant idiocy that now rules over our society with an iron fist.

Since Adam and Eve inherited the earth, Stupidity has been lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce upon his chance to rule.

And it didn’t take long. (Apples are not that good!)

Thousands of years of lording its power over this planet and I say it is time for a change of leadership.

Me.

This world of spinning rims, blonde sex pots using their apartments as a brothel, and really horrible movies getting funding will be no more!

How would I take over this planet? Well, I would prefer if humanity handed it over to me along with a platter of pineapple as garnish, but somehow I do not foresee this happening. Instead – I imagine – I will be obliged to take the earth by force.

I will not use unsubstantiated threats, as these are easily seen through and give any would-be heroes time to group together and form the irrational and dangerous plans that are “so crazy it just might work,” that tend to overthrow evil regimes.

Nuclear bombs and Rocket Propelled Grenades seem to be all the fad in world domination these days, but I have opted for something more environmentally friendly (yes, I will be that kind of ruler) and less cost intensive.

Penguins!

Many of my future subjects may consider themselves to be immune to the fear of penguins (“Oh! They are so cute!”), but I will enlighten them. There are seventeen species of penguins – all carnivorous. The Macaroni boast 24 million members, the Chinstrap claim 14 million, and the Rockhopper have 8 million penguins at last count. In sheer numbers alone my penguins could wipe out humanity… and all for a few buckets of fish.

If a stunning array of black and white (hungry, meat eating,) soldiers quickly marching down on you does not strike fear into your heart, then maybe my generals will: the Emperor Penguin, who can weigh as much as a boy band member – of which there will be no more when I have control over the world.

Added to the fact that animal rights activists would most likely join my side upon realizing their ultimate dream has come true (a world overtaken by animals), there would be those who still – even while having their eyes pecked from their heads – would find it impossible to shoot such an adorable little creature.

As you can see, my massive army has the sheer numbers and bulk to stage a successful world coup against humans, so there should be no question as to my ability for domination.

But what of my plans when the world falls into my hands? Drastic change will be my theme as the people of this world – along with a bit of nudging from my penguin allies – help me in melting down all spinning rims for the raw material for the world first space cruiser. Members of college sororities and fraternities will be my test subjects for the first few launches of the world’s ship into space. I am hoping for at least a few explosions (‘twill help clean the gene pool of alcoholics).

The money for our space project will be pulled from movies that I deem unfit for viewing, such as “Meet the Fockers” or “Dodgeball”. These are a vapid waste of money which can be much better spent on a space exploration project that will extend my Empire to the stars.

Not only do I wish to extend my Empire to other galaxies, but I also want to search for a type of giant slug that I know must exist somewhere in this vast universe. The slug is about five feet long and man eating, but still sort of cute in the that “I am a slimy being” kind of way.

I plan to keep the slugs happy and in no way mistreated so that one day – if it ever comes to this – when the slugs accidentally escape from their confines, their first bit of business will not be to eat me in revenge for tearing them away from their homeland of Putrid 5. They will be fed daily and be allowed to gorge themselves on the delicacy known as all liars.

That’s right; all liars of my realm will be fed to giant man eating slugs for slow and painful ingestion. It will be televised to act as further deterrent.

Such lies as: “The walls of these apartments are perfectly sound-proofed and you will never hear the people above you,” will be punishable by devourment and a hearty and slightly maniacal laugh from me.

To make my penguin legion feel at home, even while they are not, I will have all armories turned into frozen penguin habitats. A law will be put into effect that will prohibit homelessness; therefore all homeless will be given the jobs of converting the armories into suitable habitats for my army. My workers will be fed well – probably fish of some sort – and housed in capital buildings around the globe for I will have no need of fat bureaucrats in my new society.

In fact, all old government workers of high ranking will be weeded out – with the most ambitious weasels being fed to my slugs – and the most eager to please being put in charge of a food program that will convert all Abercrombie & Fitch stores into edible matter – they are of no use to anyone left in their current form.

Speaking of clothing, because I am so fond of the stereotype that all futuristic societies will wear skin tight, silver synthetic (and because I am sick of seeing twelve year olds in bad Moulin Rouge knock offs) I think that will be the new uniform. Mine, of course, will have some sort of elaborate feather and leather decoration a la the evil queen in Red Sonya.

Anyone that does not have a pleasing aesthetic look in the skin tight suit will be put into an intensive program with controlled exercise and food intake, thereby securing – if the said participant does not die – that only healthy genes are passed on.

On the note of passing genes, I will not pull a Brave New World and control breeding in a sterile environment. However, you will be required to acquire a missive granting you the right to marry and procreate (WWII, anyone?). Any subject found with a particularly nasty disease will be attained for testing in one of my labs and either frozen until a cure can be found or ejected into space to test the actual effects of being ejected into space has upon a human.

Rap and Country music will be abolished as well as all singers under the age of twenty five. Rammstein will be attained for my own viewing pleasure and anyone that rolls into a supermarket or sits in traffic with their bass at a level that would kill squirrels will be immediately pounced upon by my legion and brought to me for torture.

Since the threat of torture and being a slugs lunch is not enough to deter some of the harder headed humans on the planet, I plan to keep humanity happy. Prostitution will be legalized, but heavily screened. It will only take place in certain zones of my new world and anyone caught deviating from the health codes and safe zones will become hard laborers in bringing the third world countries up to par. Las Vegas will become a reward for good behavior for my human generals, and all theme parks will be used as incentive for cooperation and hard work.

Along with happy subjects, I would like to rule over intelligent subjects. A world wide system of learning will be established to educate (and socialize) the masses. And in the spirit of my American heritage there will be only one religion: mine.

All drugs will be laced with arsenic so anyone stupid enough to ingest, smoke or otherwise put the crap into their bodies will be eliminated from my empire.

For fairness all unlawful acts will be posted across my new internet (free of pop up and credit card ads) and every man, woman, and child will be required to learn them from heart. This stops the lame and overused excuse of, “I just didn’t know.”

Overall I believe I will be a fair and just ruler, with only the occasional burst of Hitler-esque mania. My subjects will be treated fairly as long as they dwell within my laws and do not toe the edge of stupidity.

I like mine bloody

Ok, so, of course, I went to see Land of the Dead, Friday.

And, of course, I was disappointed.

I wasn’t holding out much hope of it being a second Dawn of the Dead, because it was written and directed by Romero – the director of the original “Dead” series.

Night of the living Dead
Dawn of the Dead
Day of the Dead

A lot of people thought the new Dawn of the Dead was a remake of Romero’s Day of the Dead, but newp… remake of the same title.

Anyway, if it was the 70’s Land of the Dead would have ruled. It would have freaked and grossed us all out.

However, the 70’s are long gone, along with the slow moving, moaning, Zombies. The era of grossing the watcher out to disguise a crappy surface plot are long gone… and no one is mourning it.

I was very disappointed that he did not evolve the story much. And all attempts made to keep the movie up to date were blatant and cheesy.

Everyone was dressed in a mad maX-esque out fit and they all rode the bikes with the tattered flags. Ugh.

Also…. The Zombies thought. -__-

Now, this wouldn’t be so bad if the Zombies RAN after you, while thinking. But, alas, they slowly moaned and twitched their way miles after miles, picked up a gun or two, and figured out that water wouldn’t kill them.

They scares were cheap and seen coming miles away. The movie, like the old ones, relied heavily on gore… really bad gore, by the by.

Overall, the plot could have ruled my world, but it didn’t go into any amount of depth. The ZombieZ were antiquated and too ridiculous to be taken seriously (and yes, I take my ZombieZ seriously!), the acting was good, but predictable, and the ending made me want to hit the main character -__-

A hole in breast

Ok, so today was a bit of a departure from my normal routine.

I woke up a bit later than usual because Chi and I didn’t make the gym this morning - she had a doc appointment at 9:15.

I stumble downstairs in a half sleepy stupor to get some breaky.

Mom calls and I'm on the phone with her when I hear this totally bizarre noise. It almost sounded like someone was banging on our patio window.

When I get off the phone to go check on the weird noises, I walk into the kitchen to find a large mass of kitty puke. -__- The odd noise was Tigger hacking up a lung.

Lovely.

Moving on, I make my egg for my breakfast of an egg sandwich. I'm moving a large bottle of mayo to the side in the fridge when it fallZ from my grasp and splatterZ on the floor showing glass and greasy mayo everywhere -_-

After cleaning that up, I struggle to get dressed on time for my appointment with the Dermatologist. I needed a biopsy x_X

I get to the doctors and wait for a bit b4 they take me back and put a few shots of numbing medicine into my right breast (yeah… ow). The Doc comes in and cuts a cookie cutter shape unto my chest and pullZ it up to nip off the bottom. She then proceeds to stitch me up… 3 of them were outside of the numbed area and I felt every nip and tuck of the needle -__-

So now I have a hole in my breast… and 6 stitches to worry about.

Being me, I wasn’t concerned and Chi and I went to work out… rushed home to meet Markie (been gone in Vietnam since August)

And thatZ about it.

The fact remainZ that I've cleaned up too many messes today and I have a hole in my right boob o_O

Field Vision

Ok, for all those that know me the following statement will come as a shock:

I went to work at my father’s office today.

Yes… work… and no, I do not get paid for it so I can still claim that I have never worked (for pay) a day in my life. Volunteering does not count and is an entirely different blog post in itself.

To the point:

Field Vision Tests suck. I mean hard core, “I’ve been making pr0n movies since I was 12”, “the brass off a door knob”, “thru a straw”, SUCK.

The whole point of the test is to assess one’s vision. Central and Peripheral. Now, in order to do this painful eXerciZe in patience, one must sit still for 15 min increments and stare at a tiny… white… dot.

While staring at the boring, unmoving, uninteresting dot; one will see – or think they see – other white dots of higher or lower intensity blinking all around one’s head. When said other dots are seen, the patient cliX a button… thatZ right… like the most boring video game ever invented.

The test alone is torture, however, watching someone take the test is anguish, upon suffering and makes me beg, pray, and plead that the next patient will fall and break some vital bone that makes it impossible to take the damned test… like their thumb for instance. No thumb, no clicky clicky.

I have to make the patient sit still and watch the dot. If they move their eye to look at the other blinking dots I must berate them. If their head moveZ up or down in the contraption, I must adjust them via little swirly spinny wheels until their eye is again in the cross hair of the computer screen I am watching.

Most of the time I sit and wish for my own clicky button to press. Whenever the patient moveZ I can press my clicky and send 1000000 voltZ of pure electric pain shooting thru their body.

I'm pretty sure they wouldn’t fidget after that.

The fact that I have to monitor the patients eye status takes a lot of out my reading time - I read to pass the time... or else I would go insane and start throwing things. Not only am I sitting in a dark room with only the green light of the text on the screen to read by, but every few secondZ I must look up and make sure tweedle dee hasn’t slumped over or gone to sleep.

I hate when they go to sleep. It means I have to talk to them to keep them awake. Do you know how annoying it is making small talk with a perfect stranger when all they can do is mumble “yes” or “no”.

Talking means they must move their chin, which meanZ their eye moveZ.

That would really be great if I had my own electric clicky. I could trick them into talking – thus moving – and then have an eXcuse to Zap them.

Spoken NewZ

Ok, so Stephen and Landon decided make a podcast.

I admit, I was skeptical.

Landon is not known for his participation in conversations, and Stephen is known for becoming so eXcited that his rate of speech reaches critical speed.

A normal conversation between them is as follows:

Stephen: “Hey did you hear about blahblahblah joining forceZ with blahblahblah. ItZ so eXciting!!”

Landon: “Oh, hey. No, I didn’t know that.”

Stephen: “Blahblahblah is going to totally blow away blahblahblah now!”

Landon: “Wow that is really awesome.”

I was pleasantly surprised, however, at the deviation from the normal. It starts out with much complaining about sore bums and crappy chairs flows into a nice jab at IE’s new “tabs” and follows with a tasteful joke about Michael Jackson’s Trojan virus.

For a full list of topiX discussed and to DL the podcast go here: http://fulltangninja.blogspot.com/

This is defiantly for all you tech junkies. Now go listen!

Carpenter AntZ

I just spent an hour playing around with my blog template... I now see why ppl become addicted to screwing with HTML... fun stuff o_O

I realiZed - a bit belatedly - that the death, although uber cute, was horribly hard to read. So... for the three of you that read my ramblings... tada ^_^

Chi and I are home alone tonight. We made tofu and seaweed for dinner.

Don't laugh. Tofu and seaweed are perfectly respectable dinner foods.

Some ppl decide to fry the leg of a chicken in more heart clogging fat than is contained in one state, some ppl grab fast food and a handfull of MnM's... I eat soybean curd and sea plants.

That being said, I shall retire downstairs to veg out on the couch and watch tv with Chibi untill I cant see straight. ^_^

3LB Weight

Ok, having a PT and going to set classes at a gym throughout the week is hell. Im not talking metophorically either... I mean literal hell... your muscleZ are BURNING the entire time and as much as you wish for death... it never comes.

I thought I had uber leg muscleZ untill I spent an hour with Kevin. He taught me that I had jack shyte and then proceeded to make me want to kick him in the face as he screamed over the music "Come ON! Two more minZ on that stair climber!"

While heZ yelling this he upZ the level to 13 and politely ignores the fact that I am shaking more than a 3 year old child that has entered seiZure status after watching a flashing light filled anime.

On the up side... I get to take his class again on thurZday -_-

Claws of Justice

What Tim Burton Character are You?

Catwoman

You have no idea how happy this made me.

I was talking to a buddy last night about supervillans and which one's we thought were the most super villan-ie.

Kitty is so my fav... and not because she's in vinyl and carries a whip. Not even because she licks herself. I like her because I am her. I meow at ppl, I growl at ppl, I even tend to lick ppl. I seek revenge when deserved - which in my case is if anyone angers me. Angering me is very, very stupidly easy. I think, in general, that ppl are morons. Especially in this wonderful - no sarcasm - country.

We are the only place that thinks it is a good idea to give a hormonal CHILD keys to a two ton battering ram on wheels complete with a radio.

Why not give them a point system while we are at it?

• 10 pts for pets and regular pedestrians.
• 15 for wild animals and Blondes in short skirts
• Bonus points for the elderly and infirmed.
• Bronze trophy for mothers.
• Silver trophy for their child.
• Gold trophy for the mother and the child.

College age is the worst.

I don't know how it became a cool factor to roll into a parking lot at full throttle with windows down - no matter what time of year - and radio jacked up so loud that anyone in the vicinity with a pacemaker blows up.

And rims?

If I see a car with spinning rims I assume the tires and therefore the vehicle itself is moving. That is only logical, right? Well, when I see a parked car with spinning rims, I automatically piss my pants because I cannot figure out if they are pulling out in front of me, running a red light, or if their bolts came loose in their tires.

Barring all that, most college aged drivers are getting dressed in their cars while rushing to the campus to get to class on time. Ive seen girls brutally stab themselves in the eye because they think they can maneuver a large tank and make their eyelashes look plump and separated all in the same timeframe.

That is what catwoman should really do: Hunt down teenaged drivers. Granted I think some of the college aged males might think that incentive to buy the biggest spinning chrome rims they can find.

Because Shine Did

Your element is Fire.

Like fire, you have a hot temper and you can be warm and loving as well and angry and wild. It all really comes down to what you are feeling. You have a lot of close friends who you are very protective over, and with your temper probably some enemies too. You are not Miss Popular in school since you are your own person and don't want to be forced into behaving this or that way. You are the untamed wild horse, the kind that everyone wants to catch. But you don't want to be tied down for the moment and just keep going with your little crushes. Your will is strong and if you set your mind to do something, you will most likely succeed. But beware, your friends may not always accept your mood-swinging behaviour. Even if you don't mean to be mean, they can still feel hurt. You just need to start thinking some things through before you do them, and not always jump in with so much courage. One day you may be hurt because of that, but then again, your element isn't fire if you start to analyse situations before you act. After all, your nature is to shoot first and ask the questions later.

My eXcuse

You are a maniac killer.

It doesn't matter who they are and what they have or haven't done. You still want to kill them. And for a simple reason only; it's fun. Seeing people in pain is like ecstasy. Maybe you have some sort of mental problems or you are this way because of previous deep scars, only you know. But now you are sadistic and maybe you only like to see a special group of people be in pain (e.g. preps). However you are not the most social person in the bunch and people think you are weird. That bothers you somewhat but atleast you can entertain yourself with daydreaming about killing them. After all, they have no idea what's coming.

Main weapon: Explosives and torture equpiment

Quote: "Insanity: a perfect rational adjustment to an insane world" - R.D. Lang Facial

Expression: Wicked smile

At least I can plead this to the jury one day?

http://quizilla.com/users/PainfulBliss/quizzes/What%20Type%20of%20Killer%20Are%20You?